Raising and Leading Young Men

Happy Sunday Friends!

Here’s one quote I’m musing on this week, two ideas, three favorites, and one question to take with you into the week ahead.

One Quote I’m Musing

“Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one”

| Marcus Aurelius

This week, I had a tough but meaningful conversation with my son. He’s 6. He’s learning. He’s got fire. And like most young boys with fire, he’s running into a little friction in class. Boundary-pushing. A bit of defiance. Nothing that surprised me. But it sparked a deeper reflection.

What does it mean to raise a good man?

What does it mean to be one?

As fathers, mentors, uncles, coaches, leaders—it is our job to teach our young men how to carry themselves with honor, how to be resilient, respectful, and protective. Not performatively. Not for gold stars or recognition. But because these are the essential virtues of someone who is building a life of strength.

Here’s a story:

I received the second call from my son’s Assistant Principal. He’d had a rough day at school. A disagreement with his teacher which resulted, predictably, with him acting out. He felt misunderstood, frustrated, and angry. He said, “He didn’t like math, and didn’t like being asked questions! He didn’t want to have to do it because it was getting difficult.”

I threw the football around with him, then had him help me make us dinner. We talked lightly about his situation. And I told him something I hadn’t told him before:

“It looks like you need to rub a little M-A-N on it.”

He looked up, still frowning, but confused and a little amused.

“There are going to be many moments in life where you don’t want to do something. Where it feels unfair. Where it doesn’t feel good. But being a man, being a good man, means doing the right thing even when you don’t feel like it.Especially then.”

He sniffled, but he listened.

Thinking on that moment: how many times have I needed to hear the same thing?

🧱 To Be Honorable:

Say no when you mean no. Not maybe. Not silence. A clear, respectful no. That is integrity.

If you say you will do something, do it. Even when it gets hard. Even when you don’t feel like it anymore. That’s how others learn to trust your word—and how you learn to trust yourself.

Do the right thing because it is right. Not for applause. Not to be liked. If they thank you, great. If they don’t, even better. You did it for the right reasons.

If you are going to place blame, start with yourself. Then you can fix it.

🤝 To Be Respectful:

Know that you don’t know it all. The moment you think you do, you stop learning.

Stay in your lane. Focus on what is within your control. Let others own their outcomes.

Express thanks. Gratitude isn’t about measuring effort. It’s about recognizing value.

Don’t meddle. Let people make their own mistakes. You have enough to focus on.

Close your mouth. Let silence make space for others.

🛡️ To Be Protective:

Protect what matters to you. Your people. Your values. Your word. Your name.

Only what you truly value can be taken from you.

Protect your body, train it rigorously to be obedient to your mind. As the Spartans said: *”Make your body your servant, not your master.”

Protect your mind; think for yourself. Don’t follow the mob. Don’t outsource your principles to the crowd.

Protect your integrity. Approval is a drug. Withdrawal is painful. But you don’t need it. You need to be able to look in the mirror and respect the man you see.

🧨 To Be Resilient:

Most of what happens in the world isn’t about you. Act accordingly.

You don’t control what happens. But you always control your response.

Yes, people will be selfish, lazy, mean. But you’re still called to be just.

It isn’t their behavior that defines you. It’s your response.

Stop complaining. It makes nothing better and makes you feel worse.

Perfect is not the goal. Better is. One step, one day at a time.

It isn’t things that upset us, it’s our judgment of things. Remember that.

When someone tries to make you earn their approval? Look at how they live. You’ll stop caring.

These are the four pillars I want my son to understand. They are the same I want to hold myself to.

Not because it’s easy. Because it’s essential.

💡 Two Ideas From Me

You don’t become a good man by thinking about it. You become one by practicing it in the smallest moments that no one sees.

When you stop chasing validation, you start building value.

🛠️ The Essentials Protocol

1. Morning Reset: Say out loud: *”Today I will be honorable, respectful, protective, and resilient.”

2. Evening Reflection: Journal: Where did I live these traits today? Where did I fall short?

3. One Hard Thing: Do something difficult on purpose each day. Build the muscle of doing what must be done.

4. One Kind Thing: Say thank you to someone. Not for credit. But because it matters.

🔥 Three Favorite Things This Week

1. Book: “Boys Adrift” by Dr. Leonard Sax — A hard-hitting read on how culture, school, and society are failing young boys. Essential for parents raising sons. Read it with a critical mindset and think for yourself. There should be things you agree with and disagree with. That’s the point of reading.

2. Quote I Revisited: “Treat the body rigorously so that it is not disobedient to the mind.” — Epictetus

3. Podcast: The Daily Dad Podcast — Bite-sized wisdom on fatherhood, masculinity, and character. Easy to digest. Hard to ignore.

✍️ One Question to Take Into Your Week

What would the man you want to be do today?

Write: *”The essential version of me chooses to...”

🌀 Send this to a friend raising boys. Or someone trying to raise himself.

Until Sunday, my friends.

Think Dangerously.
–e