Happy Father’s Day to all the parents of all the things! And also, Happy Sunday Friends! Here is 1 quote I’m musing, 2 Ideas, 3 of my favorite things from the week, and 1 question. If you find it useful or interesting, please feel free to forward this along to some friends or others!

One Quote I’m Musing

“Ambition means tying your well-being to what other people say or do.

Self-indulgence means tying it to the things that happen to you.

Sanity means tying it to your own actions.”

-Marcus Aurelius

This really drove home with me this week. It isn’t about not wanting to do or be great, it’s about doing the work; for yourself and for the right reasons.

I was chatting with a colleague this week and he asked me what my plans are for the next few years. When I told him it all depends, I got the skeptical “BS” look. But for me it really does.

I’m in a 1-year(ish) position that is a great opportunity to observe and learn. Both what very senior persons are doing in my field, but also a glimpse into what I could be doing for the next 10 or 20 years if I stay this path. That will likely require quite a few moves around the country and possibly to another country a couple of times.

My wife is in a field that lets her be adaptable to what I’m doing, and my kids are young, so we can afford to not be rooted if we choose not to. These are, each one, small nudges towards chasing the carrot of this, exact, career path.

Another factor, the kids are doing very well in the (private) school I have them in (nudge). The wife has established a good initial foray into her practice here (nudge). I’ve acquired great mentors here (nudge).

So, we got into the conversation of feeling behind, goal setting, and making plans for the future when looking just at the nudge construct.

Here’s how I break it down. Big, lofty goals are great; you should make and abandon them as often as they no longer suit you. I like the idea of gently nodding to opportunities and being open to a slight side-quest; see if it’s something that suits my life or not.

If it doesn’t fit, no harm done, I know that vector isn’t the direction I should be headed, side quest complete. I am reinvigorated that the path I’m traveling is the most appropriate for me at this point in time. The axe is sharpened a bit more and I can move a little faster. (See? Side quests can help you move along your main storyline more efficiently).

If it does, then it’s a nudge that direction. Not a leap. Like fad diets and drastic changes, they just won’t stick as a forever plan (for most of us). Some of you machines out there can do this, but I can’t; most can’t.

The point is that we are nudging our behavior towards the life that we actually want. Open to new experiences but moving towards the ideal life.

With that, I begin to understand that there is often never a perfect answer, a perfect change, or a perfect option. We hope and pray that life will show us a clear vision of good and dangerous paths, but that is rarely the case.

All of this, I think, is dependent on having a clear picture of what you actually want, however. Your Ideal Day, your Ideal Week, and having a fairly clear picture of the future of you. For me, I’m able to spend quality time with my children. Be there for events and milestones that are important to them. I work because I like what I’m doing, not because I have to make money. Solana continues to work in the same passion-project way she’s been able to do so far. And I leave the world net zero dollars for myself but having set future little hauptlings up for success with solid foundations mentally, spiritually, physically, and financially. (I mean, I brought mine into this world, I owe them that much, right?)

How do you figure that out?

Well, we start with where we are (Current State). Let’s not add our feelings, rationalizations, and stories we tell ourselves about our current state, or why we are where we are. Accept it, it just is. Drop the extra weight before you start your journey, you don’t need it, so you can actually enjoy the journey.

Then we plot out where we want to be, aka your Ideal Week as a repeatable system. This may be an iterative process as where you will be in your current state will change, and with that life changes; but that’s ok.

Then, identifying and taking one small (or big but not irrevocable yet) step to move us down the path to our ideal state. These will create momentum to get us back up to the ideal state.

I’m reminded of two juxtaposed quotes that help me. First, from Lewis Carroll

“If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.” For me, this falls in line with making small decisions to keep you going until you know where you need to be.

Second, from Seneca (shocker, right?)

“If a man knows not to which port he sails, no wind is favorable.” Meaning, you may make progress, but you aren’t smooth sailing until you know where you want to go. Again, micro decisions and observation will nudge you to where you need to be (as long as you are paying attention).

I say nudge because if you’re below the feeling of “I’m good, things are good” baseline that’s what we generally need to get us up to baseline.

Where I think many mentors and leaders go wrong is not recognizing the difference between people being at a suboptimal state and needing the nudge plan to get them back up and those who are at a good state and ready to thing big to get to the life goal, 10-15 year goal, what’s on your tombstone kind of goals. Those giant thoughts can overwhelm anyone who’s just trying to get their life to baseline. Once you have the momentum and confidence going up to and above baseline, have the sense of agency, autonomy and control to motivate you to take the big, life changing steps.

Micro-decisions, build momentum, establish good habits, gain confidence, generate motivation, repeat the cycle and then, my friend, you’ll have a happier life. Notice there’s no money or status tied to this.

-e

Two Ideas From Me

When you identify a thing you are doing isn’t good for you; make it more difficult to default to. Like unplug your video game console and put it away when you are done. Sure, you can still play it when you want, but it’s a nudge towards doing it less by making it more difficult. Same with anything make it easier or more difficult based on how much it suits your ideal life.
Self-Care, real Self-Care, is not always pleasant. It’s doing things that make you healthier. Which isn’t simply going on a boys’ or girls’ night out or getting a massage. It’s hitting the gym, eating that healthy food instead of that pizza, it’s going for a walk instead of watching a movie, it’s admitting to yourself that the person who wronged you seven years ago probably didn’t even realize they did it, and you’re the only one suffering, because they don’t even remember it.

Three Favorite Things From Others

When Online Content Disappears | Pew Research Center - We tend to think of the internet as a place where content lasts forever. Pew Researchers found out that this is no longer the case. Nearly 40% of webpages from 2013 are already gone. In this new era, the “Altar of the Algorithm” is now the location for sacrificing aging content in a bid to stay on the front page of Google. | More
Dream Machine is an AI Model from Luma Labs that looks to have surpassed OpenAI in Video Generation. Seems to put out pretty smooth and consistent outputs from my playing with it. | More
Apple launched its foray into Gen AI. They articulated their strategy on utilization as well as outlined the architecture underpinning the new features. I find myself very interested in how they’ll bring this about. Specifically, in how they pretty much own their entire ecosystem and they’ve made definitively public Apple’s stance on privacy. So, the balance between on-device and cloud is something for us all to watch!

One Question

What small step can I take today, or this week, to nudge myself towards achieving my ideal day?

Have a wonderful week,

I’ll see you Sunday.
-e