Sunday Musings The Regret Trap Why

Happy Sunday Friends!

Hello Friends! Here is 1 quote I’m musing on this week, 2 ideas, 3 of my favorite things from the week, and 1 question. If you find it useful or interesting, please start a dialogue with some friends or others! I’d love to hear about it.

One Quote I’m Musing

“To make the best of what is in our power, and take the rest as it occurs.”

| Epictetus

The past few weeks have tested my resilience—long days, blurred travel schedules, and sleep that felt more like wishful thinking. Exhaustion surreptitiously seeps into every part of my routine, eroding my clarity and patience. It's in these moments, when drained and overwhelmed, that I find myself most susceptible to regret—often sparked by situations completely unrelated to their true cause.

Picture this: you walk in after one of those tough, endless days. Meetings dragged on, flights got delayed, and your to-do list stubbornly refused to shrink. Then, something small at home—maybe some dishes left undone or a minor miscommunication—suddenly becomes a huge deal. You snap unfairly at someone you love, and an evening that could have been restful and joyful is now uncomfortable and tense. Later, as emotions cool, that sinking feeling of regret sets in. You realise the issue wasn't really about the dishes or the miscommunication; it was the cumulative stress and built-up expectations exploding in one poorly timed moment.

Here’s the thing about regret—it's rarely about what actually happens. It's more often about the gap between what we expected and what reality delivered. When things don't line up with our expectations, we often struggle to stay present and composed, creating space for regret to creep in. But here's the kicker: our reactions are entirely up to us.

When navigating regret and persevering through life's inevitable ups and downs, I've found it helpful to adopt four simple but powerful principles. I first wrote these down during a quiet walk while traveling, reflecting and jotting notes in my trusty traveler's notebook:

Observe

See things clearly, as they truly are, without distorting them through emotion or assumption. Pause to objectively assess situations rather than reacting impulsively based on internal narratives.

Act

Identify what you can do—and do it. Choose actions wisely, even if they are small steps. Having a plan or basic approach prevents situations from escalating unnecessarily, reducing regretful outcomes.

Persist

Exhaust your options and remain open to new ideas or perspectives. Persistently seeking alternative solutions or viewpoints can diffuse emotional intensity, guiding thoughtful, less reactive decisions.

Endure

Sometimes the best strategy is simply to keep moving forward. Seek support, bear what must be endured, and continue onward. Endurance helps us weather storms and minimizes regret from impulsive actions.

These principles build resilience, reducing opportunities for regret.

Practical Strategies for Avoiding Regret:

1. Focus On What You Control

Channel your energy only into what you can directly influence—your reactions, choices, and mindset. Avoiding regret starts with clearly defining what lies within your power and letting go of the rest.

2. Stop Torturing Yourself

Recognize regretful feelings as indicators of unmet expectations or skill gaps rather than inherent flaws or failures. For example, failing at a task isn't proof of incompetence; it's simply evidence of lacking the necessary skills or preparation. View mistakes objectively, forgive yourself, learn, and move forward. Unhelpful judgments and relentless self-criticism only deepen unnecessary suffering without offering practical solutions.

3. Look Ahead (Premeditacio Malorum)

Anticipate challenges and setbacks ahead of time. This Stoic practice prepares you mentally, reducing the emotional shock of disappointment or frustration, and encouraging measured responses rather than impulsive ones.

4. Love Fate (Amor Fati)

Embrace every moment, even setbacks, as valuable opportunities for growth. Accepting and even loving our fate allows us to move beyond mere endurance toward active, positive engagement with life’s inevitable ups and downs.

Integrating these specific strategies with the guiding principles provides a robust framework to manage and prevent regret effectively.

Two Ideas From Me

1. Growth Opportunity: Mistakes can be opportunities for skill development rather than personal failings if we let them.

2. Power to Choose: Adversity is not permanent; our response is the factor that determines whether it strengthens or weakens us.

Three Favorite Things This Week

1. “Spend a handful of hours a day going fast. Crush a gym session. Do deep work on a project you care about. Spend the rest of the day going slow. Take walks. Read books. Get a long dinner with friends. Either way, avoid the anxious middle where you never truly relax or truly move forward.”
   | Charles Miller - Find your way to balance

2. “To hold our tongues when everyone is gossiping, to smile without hostility at people and institutions, to compensate for the shortage of love in the world with more love in small, private matters; to be more faithful in our work, to show greater patience, to forgo the cheap revenge obtainable from mockery and criticism: all these are things we can do.”
   | Hermann Hesse - We have the ability for outsized impact simply doing what is within our control

3. “There were no textbooks, so we had to write them.”
   | Katherine Johnson - Sometimes we are the ones being followed (even when we don't realize it)

A Question for the Week Ahead

Think about some of your present struggles, if you were to approach them with objective observation and intentional action, what’s the first change you could commit to making today?

Have a wonderful week,

I’ll see you Sunday.
​-e