The Third Thing

Happy Sunday Friends!

Here’s one quote I’m musing on this week, two core ideas, three favorite things, and one question to carry with you into the week ahead.

One Quote I’m Musing

“When you’ve done well and another has benefited by it, why like a fool do you look for a third thing on top — credit for the good deed or a favor in return?”

| Marcus Aurelius

📝 The Third Thing

There’s an old story of a warrior who saved his kingdom from ruin.
He led, bled, and sacrificed. But when peace came, he was cast aside.

No songs were sung. No statues raised.

He grew bitter. Angry. He cursed the people he once swore to protect. He turned away from the good he had done and let his legacy rot in resentment.

Not because the deed wasn’t great.
But because the credit never came.

This is a parable for our age.

Social media teaches us that if it isn’t seen, it didn’t happen.
That value is measured in likes and applause.
That politics, regardless of your side, is about being right publicly rather than doing right quietly.

But those who chase the third thing will never be free.
It is always out of reach.

🪞 🔍 The Expectation

We do good. Someone benefits.
And then like fools, we crave something more.

For a third thing:

• Credit.

• Reciprocation.

• Validation.

But that third thing was never part of the deal.

Here is the truth:

1. We can control our effort.

2. We can control our intent.

3. But the outcome? The praise? The recognition?

That is not ours.

And yet, we often treat it as if it were. We believe, quietly or loudly, that doing good should be followed by being seen. That helping others should be followed by gratitude. That building something important should be followed by credit.

And when it isn’t, we feel betrayed. Frustrated. Invisible. We start questioning whether the work was worth it at all.

But that expectation, that third thing, was never ours to hold.

I catch myself there, more times than I like when reflecting.
Waiting for someone to notice. To repost. To applaud. To reward.
And when it didn’t come, I questioned the point of the work.

But that was never the point.

🛡️ What Do We Play For?

One of the greatest reminders I carry comes from the footballer Tony Adams:

“Play for the name on the front of the jersey and they’ll remember the name on the back.”

In my profession, I change it up a bit.

“Play for the nametape on the left, and they’ll remember the name on the right.”
Left side? That is the team. The mission. The purpose. Right side? That is you.

In cybersecurity, this mindset is essential.

Much of our work is invisible. Done in the shadow of the organization. Preventing what never happens. Stopping what no one sees.

No end-user thanks you for the ransomware that never breached.
No executive applauds the patch management system that just works.
No news story gets written about the eleventh phishing email you blocked this week.

And yet, it is noble. It is real. It matters.

We play for the left side. And when things are really good or really bad, when it truly matters, they look for the name on the right.

But the remembering is not the goal.
The doing is.

Your sense of worth is not a democracy.
It does not require votes.

If you need credit, you will never feel worthy.
If you need thanks, you will never feel full.
You are the receipt. The deed is the legacy.
That is the whole contract.

💡 Two Ideas From Me

• Don’t outsource your self-worth to other people’s reactions. The only approval you need is from the you that you aspire to be.

• The best cybersecurity, like the best character, is silent and unseen. Don’t measure your success by the noise.

🔥 Three Favorite Things This Week

1. Policy: The Cybersecurity Risk Management Construct – The DoD just dropped a new cyber playbook, removing the old checkbox culture. Why it matters: Risk is now mission-driven, threat-informed, and always on.

2. News: Microsoft adds Claude AI models to 365 Copilot — Microsoft owns nearly half of OpenAI, yet just brought Claude into MS 365 Copilot. Looks like even strategic partnerships take a backseat to optionality and performance.

3. Tool: Zoom’s Custom AI Avatars - Now we’ll be able to keep our cameras off and having an AI avatar lip-sync what we’re saying. Looks like it’s back to pajamas and snuggies for remote meetings!

❓ One Question for the Week

Where are you still waiting for a third thing?
And what would it feel like to release that weight?

Write down wins that no one saw. Make invisible impact visible to yourself.

Until Sunday, my friends.

Think Dangerously.
–e